


you have an incoming message !

by wqlfstar



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Fluff, Jegulus, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, Texting, but with a few other Real Scenes, i wrote the first part so long ago & just now finished it, with some, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 00:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18954220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wqlfstar/pseuds/wqlfstar
Summary: Remus Lupin doesn't handle feelings well. They eventually go away with time, just like people do. But when Sirius Black enters his life, his viewpoint on nearly everything changes.Or: a coincidence or three brings two teenage boys together.





	you have an incoming message !

**Author's Note:**

  * For [distractedmarauder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/distractedmarauder/gifts).



> for han, bc i love her bitchass snitchass <3

**sirius** | _remus_ | lily | james |  ** _peter_**

** 129*** has opened a chat with 656*** ! **

monday, 6:32 am

**prongs, i swear i'm going mad here**  
**[6:32 am]**

 **these eggs taste like bloody cardboard. they have nothing on your mum's breakfast casserole**  
**[6:32 am]**

 **if u don't bring me my waffle from patty's parlor soon, i will castrate you and staple your dick to peter's forehead.**  
**[6:39 am]**

 _an interesting crime. i feel bad for this peter who was needlessly dragged into your dick-antics_  
_[6:40 am]_

 _but i'm not prongs. nor am i peter. and i'm definitely not prongs' mum._  
_[6:40 am]_

 _and, i hate to break it to you, but patty's parlor is the worst fucking restaurant to ever exist. e.g., what the actual fuck is a humdinger hamburger?_  
_[6:41 am]_

 **for ur information, the anti-patty's, a humdinger hamburger is a hamburger from a humdinger. not that it's any of your business**  
**[6:41 am]**

 **if you're not prongs, his mum, or peter, then who are u ?**  
**[6:42 am]**

 _someone who'd like to get to sleep now, thank you very much._  
_[6:46 am]_

**_[read 6:46 am]_ **

4:55 pm

**prongs isn't replying**  
**[4:55 pm]**

 _aces._  
_[4:58 pm]_

 **oh haha**  
**[4:58 pm]**

 **seriously. i'm bored**  
**[4:58 pm]**

 _go outside like a normal teenager._  
_[4:59 pm]_

 _that is, if you are a teenager. hopefully a perverted middle aged man isn't texting me._  
_[4:59 pm]_

 **i don't go outside. the outside comes to me.**  
**[5:00 pm]**

 **but i'm seventeen, wby**  
**[5:00]**

 _do you_  
_[5:05 pm]_

 _do you mean the inside??_  
_[5:05 pm]_

 _i'm seventeen as well_  
_[5:06 pm]_

 **potato, potato.**  
**[5:06 pm]**

 **great! you can be my replacement-prongs**  
**[5:06 pm]**

 _am i supposed to feel honored? because i just feel a growing disappointment being placed on me by my parents because i'm texting a stranger (again, i hope you are a teenager and you aren't lying to me)_  
_[5:08 pm]_

 **u should feel honored. if u still feel your parent's disappointment, don't worry. u get used to it after a while. trust the experts.**  
**[5:09 pm]**

 _as thrilling as being a disappointment sounds, i think i'm going to pull a prongs and not respond to the strange person on my phone._  
_[5:09 pm]_

 **no!!!!**  
**[5:10 pm]**

 _whoa, homecoming flashbacks_  
_[5:10 pm]_

 **don't leave me. i'm lonely**  
**[5:11 pm]**

 _hi lonely, i'm dad_  
_[5:11 pm]_

 **hoe don't do it**  
**[5:12 pm]**

 **ohmygod**  
**[5:12 pm]**

 _i have to go participate in a scrabble tournament._  
_[5:16 pm]_

 _talk to you later_  
_[5:16 pm]_

 **does this mean i won't be lonely anymore??**  
**[5:16 pm]**

 **I KNOW YOU READ THAT**  
**[5:31 pm]**

**_[read 5:31 pm]_ **

tuesday, 3:18 am

**sTranher, i'm bored**  
**[3:18 am]**

 **i just realized you haven't told me your name ??**  
**[3:20 am]**

 _hey, there, stranger who thinks it's socially acceptable to text someone at three in the fucking morning !!!!_  
_[3:23 am]_

 _i'm here to inform you that the person you're texting will fucking kill you and eat your organs for breakfast if you don't go to bed and stop texting him !!!!!!!!!!!_  
_[3:24 am]_

 _thank !!!!!!!!!!!!!_  
_[3:24 am]_

 **i'm not sure how to respond to that**  
**[3:24 am]**

 _then fUcking don't !!!!!!!!_  
_[3:25 am]_

 **why so many exclamation msrks ?**  
**[3:25 pm]**

 _i'm trying to convey an upbeat tone so you don't get creeped ouy_  
_[3:26 pm]_

 _but if i must creep you out so you'll leave me alone until i have three cups of coffee in me, then creep you out i shall._  
_[3:26 am]_

 **wait**  
**[3:27 am]**

 **you said him before**  
**[3:27 am]**

 **which means**  
**[3:27 am]**

 **you're a bloke like me**  
**[3:27 am]**

 **so you just narrowed down an entire section of names**  
**[3:28 am]**

 _oh my fucking god_  
_[3:29 am]_

 _that's what yoi got from that??_  
[3:29 am]

 _go ro bed_  
_[3:29 am]_

 **aww, sleepy stranger is grammatically incorrect when he's tired**  
**[3:30 am]**

 _yeah. it's called i'm already blind as a bat and staring at my luminous phone at three am doesn't help._  
_[3:30 am]_

 **sure, u can spell luminous but not you or to**  
**[3:32 am]**

 _go. to. bed._  
_[3:32 am]_

 **should i go to bed or go ro bed? it's such a difficult decision.**  
**[3:33 am]**

 **STOP IGNORING ME**  
**[3:47 am]**

** stranger [eggplant] has muted the conversation! **

**damn.**  
**[3:49 am]**

 **that's cold**  
**[3:50 am]**

**_[read 12:04 pm]_ **

12:27 pm

_my friend got mad that i missed our ritual meet ups because i slept in. i blame you._  
_[12:27 pm]_

 **you're texting me first ??**  
**[12:30 pm]**

 **i feel honored.**  
**[12:30 pm]**

 **they'll probably throw a parade in honor of this momentous holiday**  
**[12:31 pm]**

 _shut uP_  
_[12:31 pm]_

 **anyway, tell them that your newer, hotter friend now has your undivided attention and u don't need them anymore.**  
**[12:32 pm]**

 _i don't think annoying me for six hours straight outweighs six years of friendship_  
_[12:33 pm]_

 **it's not the time that makes it better, it's the memories inside it**  
**[12:33 pm]**

 _insightful, but i'm still going to go with lily._  
_[12:33 pm]_

 **aha**  
**[12:34 pm]**

 **so that's the scallawag i'm competing against !**  
**[12:34 pm]**

 **if you could kindly send me her address and her last name, i would be eternally grateful.**  
**[12:35 pm]**

 _slow down there, buddy boy_  
_[12:36 pm]_

 _don't lay a hand on her_  
_[12:36 pm]_

 _she brings me homemade raspberry scones sometimes._  
_[12:37 pm]_

 **now i just have to find a girl holding scones and i have my target**  
**[12:37 pm]**

 _don't you dare._  
_[12:37 pm]_

 **oh, i dare**  
**[12:38 pm]**

 **i might even eat some of the scones**  
**[12:38 pm]**

 _i have to go_  
_[12:39 pm]_

 **why must you leave me so soon?**  
**[12:39 pm]**

 _because said lily has just arrived and the scones are still warm_  
_[12:39 pm]_

 **you're leaving me for scones ?? i am appalled, man. a p p a l l e d**  
**[12:40 pm]**

 _don't get all melodramatic on me now. scones always come first._  
_[12:40 pm]_

 **well now i just feel attacked**  
**[12:41 pm]**

 **STOP LEAVING ME ON OPEN**  
**[12:47 pm]**

**_[read 11:41 pm]_ **

11:41 pm

**hey**  
**[11:41 pm]**

 _no_  
_[11:44 pm]_

 **what ??**  
**[11:44 pm]**

 _i will not be subjected to your anti-sleep agenda._  
_[11:44 pm]_

 **calm down. it's not even midnight yet.**  
**[11:45 pm]**

 _you don't say._  
_[11:45 pm]_

 **i know i didn't.**  
**[11:45 pm]**

 **we're texting.**  
**[11:46 pm]**

 **unless you want to take our relationship to the next level and call each other**  
**[11:46 pm]**

 _i choose sleep. sleep comes first._  
_[11:47 pm]_

 **i thought scones came first.**  
**[11:47 pm]**

 _dEpends on my mood._  
_[11:48 pm]_

 **starving and exhausted**  
**[11:48 pm]**

 _and now it's midnight._  
_[12:00 am]_

 **did you really wait until midnight just to say that ?**  
**[12:00 am]**

 **u never answered.**  
**[12:01 pm]**

 _goodnight._  
_[12:01 pm]_

 **i'm gonna call you moony because you're never up long enough to see the mOon**  
**[12:02 pm]**

 **goodnight moony**  
**[12:03 am]**

**_[read 7:15 am]_ **

wednesday, 7:16 am

_really? moony?_  
_[7:16 am]_

 **you won't give me your actual name so i made do with what i had**  
**[7:16 am]**

 _fair enough._  
_[7:17 am]_

 _so what should i call you, then?_  
_[7:17 am]_

 **_man of your dreams?_ **  
**_[7:17 am]_ **

**_hottest man alive?_ **  
**_[7:17 am]_ **

**_my friend saw what i sent you and now he's laughing._ **  
**_[7:17 am]_ **

**_update: i threw a spoon at him_ **  
**_[7:19 am]_ **

**_HE'S CALLING THE NURSE IN HERE MOONY HELP_ **  
**_[7:20 am]_ **

_the nurse?_  
_[7:20 am]_

 **i'm a dying man, moony**  
**[7:20 am]**

 _oh_  
_[7:21 am]_

 _i have to go_  
_[7:21 am]_

 **wait what?**  
**[7:22 am]**

 **okay bye**  
**[7:31 am]**

**_[read 7:31 am]_ **

** bestie for the restie has opened a chat with lily! **

wednesday, 7:22 am

_someone made a hospital-death joke. what exactly do i do ??_  
_[7:22 am]_

ignore them  
[7:22 am]

& i'm literally sitting right in front of you ??  
[7:23 am]

 _it's over message_  
_[7:23 am]_

 _and i don't care_  
_[7:23 am]_

ignore them.  
[7:24 am]

 _i can't. they're interesting and entertaining and you're not providing me the entertainment you once did_  
_[7:24 am]_

are you... are you breaking up with me ?????  
[7:24 am]

 _i'm afraid so, lily. i'm afraid so._  
_[7:25 am]_

whore.  
[7:25 am]

do you want m&ms ?  
[7:25 am]

 _did you really just ask me that ?yes, please._  
_[7:26 am]_

kk  
[7:26 am]

OMFG REMY THIS ANNOYING ASS GUY WON'T STOP STARING AT ME  
[7:32 am]

I THINK HE'S FUCKING D R O O L I N G  
[7:32 am]

 _do you want me to kick his ass ??_  
_[7:32 am]_

yEAH, RIGHT   
[7:33 am]

YOU HAVEN'T WORKED OUT SINCE 2012 BUT SURE  
[7:33 am]

COME KICK HIS ASS FOR ME  
[7:33 am]

 _this is emotional abuse._  
_[7:34 am]_

HE'S STILL STARING  
[7:34 am]

 _my ass kicking offer still stands_  
_[7:35 am]_

YOU THINK I COULD GET HIM TO BUY ME M&MS  
[7:35 am]

 _still staring ?_  
_[7:36 am]_

yEAH  
[7:36 am]

 _go for it_  
_[7:36 am]_

HE BOUGHT ME THE FUCKING M&MS THIS IS GREAT  
[7:36 am]

 _you need to get out more_  
_[7:37 am]_

-remus, the inpatient   
[7:37 am]

 _well, i can't seduce men into buying me chocolate. you, on the other hand, can._  
_[7:37 am]_

you could seduce men  
[7:38 am]

we just have to find you a homo who's erectus  
[7:38 am]

 _i really fucking hate you_  
_[7:39 am]_

C'MON BABE DON'T BE THAT WAY  
[7:39 am]

**_[read 7:39 am]_ **

** stranger has opened a chat with moony [eggplant] ! **

thursday, 12:56 pm

**did i upset you somehow ?**  
**[12:56 pm]**

 _no_  
[12:58 pm]

 **you just seem upset**  
**[1:00 pm]**

 _you don't even know me. how would you know if i were upset ?_  
_[1:01 pm]_

 **well, you just left so suddenly i just thought you were**  
**[1:01 pm]**

 **no need to get testy**  
**[1:01 pm]**

 _lily was back. nothing personal_  
_[1:02 pm]_

 **what're you doing now ?**  
**[1:02 pm]**

 _texting_ _my favorite person._  
_[1:02 pm]_

 _oh, and you._  
_[1:03 pm]_

 _what're you doing ?_  
[1:03 pm]

 **i was in the midst of writing a thank you to one of my friends when i realized how much of a cream faced loon he was**  
**[1:03 pm]**

 _did you just quote shakespeare ?_  
_[1:04 pm]_

 **yeah,, wormy is a slut for his sonnets. he reads them out loud and makes prongs and i reenact them**  
**[1:04 pm]**

 _wormy ? and could we also go back to "prongs and i reenact them"_  
_[1:04 pm]_

 **wormtail = the guy i threw a spoon at**  
**[1:05 pm]**

 _i'm beginning to wonder about your ability to give people nicknames._  
_[1:05 pm]_

 **don't question me, moony**  
**[1:05 pm]**

 _wouldn't dream of it._  
_[1:06 pm]_

**_[read 6:15 pm]_ **

6:15 pm

**are you the hipster, jock, nerd, or prep type ?**  
**[6:15 pm]**

 _in what way is that relevant ?_  
_[6:15 pm]_

 **i need something to work off of**  
**[6:15 pm]**

 _i don't think i fit into any of those categories._  
_[6:16 pm]_

 **what're you wearing right now ?**  
**[6:16 pm]**

 _clothes._  
_[6:17 pm]_

 **bE more descriptive**  
**[6:17 pm]**

 _100% cotton. on sale, 25% off. i believe my mum got it from a thrift store._  
_[6:18 pm]_

 **THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT, YE FAT GUT**  
**[6:19 pm]**

 **wait**  
**[6:19 pm]**

 **your mum buys you your clothes ??**  
**[6:19 pm]**

 _i'm unfit to leave the hospital room, let alone go outside._  
_[6:20 pm]_

** message unsent! **

_i'm not an outdoorsy person._    
[6:20 pm]

 **so what ???**  
**[6:20 pm]**

 **you just never go outside ??**  
**[6:20 pm]**

 _i go outside._  
_[6:21 pm]_

 **when's the last time you went outside ?**  
**[6:21 pm]**

 _i'm not a lumberjack or anything,, why am i obligated to go outside ?_  
_[6:22 pm]_

 **"go outside like a normal teenager"**  
**[6:23 pm]**

 _i never explicitly stated i was normal._  
_[6:23 pm]_

 **touché**  
**[6:23 pm]**

**_[read 6:39 pm]_ **

friday, 4:16 am

**you can call me padfoot.**  
**[4:16 am]**

**_[read 9:23 am]_ **

9:23 am

_do you ever sleep?_  
_[9:23 am]_

 **sometimes whem i sneeze my eyes close,, does that count ?**  
**[9:23 am]**

 _yeah,, i'm going to have to go with no on that one_  
_[9:24 am]_

 **you sounf like prongs omfg**  
**[9:24 am]**

 _go to sleep_  
_[9:25 am]_

 **yes, mother**  
**[9:25 am]**

 _i like daddy better but kk_  
_[9:25 am]_

 **mOONY**  
**[9:26 am]**

 _CUMSMAKAJSJ_  
_[9:27 am]_

 _ALAL_  
_[9:27 am]_

 _I'M SORRY THAT WAS LILY_  
_[9:28 am]_

 _SHE STEALS MY PHONE A LOT OH GOD I'M SORRY_  
_[9:28 am]_

 **i'm definitely noT**  
**[9:29 am]**

 **that was p r i c e l e s s**  
**[9:29 am]**

 _i pray to god that you two never meet._  
_[9:30 am]_

 _that would be like giving dumb and dumber dynamite and a lighter_  
_[9:31 am]_

 **i pray to god i meet her someday**  
**[9:31 am]**

 **i gotta go**  
**[9:31 am]**

 _bye_  
_[9:34 am]_

**_[read 11:03 am]_ **

2:03 pm

**moonyyyy**  
**[2:03 pm]**

 _padfoottttt_  
_[2:05 pm]_

 **entertain me**  
**[2:05 pm]**

 _i'm not entertaining_  
_[2:06 pm]_

 **yes u are bitch**  
**[2:06 pm]**

 **love yourself :p**  
**[2:06 pm]**

 **tell me what u did today**  
**[2:07 pm]**

 _i read, i ate, i slept_  
_[2:07 pm]_

 **what'd u eat**  
**[2:07 pm]**

 _m &ms_  
_[2:07 pm]_

 **what'd u read**  
**[2:08 pm]**

 _the great gatsby_  
_[2:08 pm]_

 **when'd u sleep**  
**[2:26 pm]**

 _9-9_  
_[2:27 pm]_

 **that's a lot of slep**  
**[2:27 pm]**

 _yes,,,_  
_[2:27 pm]_

 _so much slep_  
_[2:28 pm]_

 _the slepiest_  
_[2:28 pm]_

 _can you go to sleep now so i don't have to worry_  
_[2:28 pm]_

 _i know you haven't slept at all in the past twenty four hours_  
_[2:29 pm]_

 **aw moons. you worry about me ?**  
**[2:30 pm]**

 _i worry that you'll never leave me long enough to take a nap_  
_[2:30 pm]_

 **u ?? just ?? slept ?? for ?? twelve ?? hours ??**  
**[2:32 pm]**

 _shhh. it's naptime_  
_[2:33 pm]_

 **hoemygod**  
**[2:33 pm]**

 **goodnight**  
**[3:19 pm]**

**_[read 12:56 am]_ **

12:56 am

_i accidentally slept too much_  
_[12:56 am]_

 **are you dogging me rn ?**  
**[1:02 am]**

 _unfortunately not_  
_[1:03 am]_

 _it's beginning to become unhealthy lmao_  
_[1:03 am]_

 **moony. child. uou're messing up your sleep schedule !!**  
**[1:03 am]**

 **don't be like me & fuckign align yourself**  
**[1:04 am]**

 _align myself with w h a t exactly ?_  
_[1:04 am]_

 _so far,, i've been met with tons of *un*necessary sleep & no drugs along w no schoolwork, i'm living the dream_  
_[1:04 am]_

 **i thought you said you were seventeen ??**  
**[1:04 am]**

 **how are you not in school if you're seventeen ???**  
**[1:05 am]**

 **unless ur like. a dropout ? which is totally cool ! bc i have a few friends that are dropouts,, but u just don't seem like th type**  
**[1:05 am]**

 _nah,, not a dropout_  
_[1:05 am]_

 _just graduated a year early :)_  
_[1:05 am]_

 **that smiley face is adorable**  
**[1:07 am]**

 **ty for sharing**  
**[1:07 am]**

 _we could use some positivity_  
_[1:08 am]_

 _we're all depressed bastards_  
_[1:08 am]_

 **anyway !! i gotta bounce**  
**[1:08 am]**

 **the night staff is here & it's time for a checkup :,))**  
**[1:09 am]**

 **sucks to suck, amirite**  
**[1:09 am]**

 _oh. okay_  
_[1:09 am]_

 _cheers_  
_[1:10 am]_

**_[read 1:10 am]_ **

saturday, 11:58 am

Remus Lupin is extremely tired.

He stayed up the rest of the night, after only having half a day's worth of sleep.

He feels  _groggy_. Which isn't really a new feeling, since his medication makes him tired, but to this extent? It's a whole new level of experience.

He blinks his burning eyes, once, twice, three times before his redheaded best friend's image finally became clearer.

She's frowning at him, her nose wrinkling. "Did you sleep at all last night? Or were you texting that guy again?"

"I slept." He defends, munching on some of the chocolate she brought him. He doesn't know why, but ever since his medication change- his new doctors at the newest hospital during his newest program prescribed it- he's been craving loads and loads of chocolate. Especially the dark type.

"Oh, yeah?" She challenges. "When?"

He was prepared for this question. "I slept from nine to nine the night before, then took a big ass nap yesterday." He licks his fingers of excess chocolate, and is sad to find that the rest of the it that used to be in the blue Honeydukes bag is gone.

"Hmm." She doesn't seem convinced. He sighs. She gets like this a lot- controlling and protective. He thinks it's because of her sister. Her and her sister used to be extremely close, until Lily was told she was smart enough to go to an elite, private high school in London rather than one in Scotland. Her sister had applied for the same school, but they didn't let her in as her grade point average was too low. Every time Remus thought of the story, he always felt bad for Petunia- Lily's sister- because he knew what it was like to be rejected, and it was basically like being told you were less than your own sister, which is even worse.

But he digresses. The point is, Lily's being too invasive, and he needs an out.

"I need more chocolate." He announces, getting up off the uncomfortable bed and opening his duffel bag up to pull it a crisp note. She stands, getting ready to go with him as they always do. Oh, no. "Can you stay here just in case one of the nurses comes back?"

"Sure?" She says slowly, lowering herself back down into her rolling chair confusedly. He's never asked her to do that before. She's probably wondering why.

He hurries out of the room, slowing his pace once he's in a different corridor. The nurses give him a curious look as he speed walks down through the ward so he's blushing by the time he gets out into the waiting room, his IV stand creaking along behind him, making him blush nervously even more. He passes the agitated parents and friends, and finally, finally reaches the vending machines. He goes to punch in the familiar 9-2-

Except they're out of order.

He gives out a long suffering sigh. He doesn't want to go back to his room just yet. He could go to the other machines, in the northern ward. He checks his Apple Watch. It says it's 12:04 pm by now, so he has a few more minutes before Lily thinks his hand got stuck up the slot hole at the bottom of the machine and comes to rescue him.

She's not really a bother, but ever since he was diagnosed, she walks on eggshells around him about certain thing- like medical bills and her jobs- and he finds it a bit frustrating. Not to the point where he thinks he needs to point it out, but it could potentially evolve into a Problem which he wouldn't appreciate.

Either way, he wants some chocolate, and he's going to get some goddamn chocolate.

He turns and walks briskly out of there, heading for the northern wing of the building. He doesn't need to ride in an elevator, thank god (he hates elevators, they make him anxious, having to stand in an enclosed space with a bunch of people he doesn't know), just around a few memorized corners (he's been here off and on so much and has explored so many places, he could practically draw a map of it) and then he's in the other little room with the row of vending machines.

He stands there in the seemingly empty room for a moment, trying to determine which candy bar to pick, when someone else says, "Having a hard time choosing?"

Remus jumps a foot in the air, turning around only to become face to face with Adonis. "The fuck?" He yelps. He had been so sure he had me been the only person in here. Now, though, he isn't so sure.

Adonis laughs. After closer inspection, Remus notes that the Greek deity is punk rock. He's donning a black AC/DC shirt with dark jeans and a midnight leather jacket, though his arm is in a sling. He's also wearing black Converse, matching with Remus. He would bet his last nickel that this guy is also wearing black socks.

"Sorry, mate. Did I scare you?"

"No, I like to randomly jump and shout "the fuck" at strangers." He replies, running a shaky hand through his sand-colored hair. His anxiety had spiked through the roof just then, and it was only now slowly coming back down.

"Sorry, mate." He repeats, grinning.

Remus returns to the task at hand, figuring their conversation was over. After all, why had the guy struck up a conversation with him in the first place? The only good thing about Remus was his taste in food. It didn't make any sense for the hot guy to come up to the nerd.

Whatever. He has more important things to focus on rather than cliches and self deprecation. Like, for instance, his beautiful, glorious candy bar.

He was deciding between Hershey's and Chocolate Frogs when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turns, confused, then saw Adonis looking hopeful, yet afraid.

"Did it hurt?" He asks. Wait. What?

Is  _Adonis_  hitting on  _Remus_?

This could not be happening. "I'm sorry?"

"Did it hurt?" He asks again patiently.

"When?" Remus plays along, biting his lip in secondhand embarrassment and anticipation. Adonis still looks hopeful.

"When you fell from Heaven, because, baby, you're an angel."

Remus kept his face completely blank, void of any laughter or shock or mushy feelings from being called baby or an angel.

"Am I being pranked?" He asks, because it's a valid question. A hot guy just came up to  _him_  and used a  _pick up line_. It has to be a prank.

"What'd you mean?" The guy tilted his head like a puppy. Remus rolls his eyes. If there was any doubt that it wasn't a prank (there was barely any), it was gone now. He steps forward and talks as he picks Chocolate Frogs.

"Look, you can stop whatever charade it is that you're doing and l can go back to my, er, my chocolate and we can both pretend this never happened. Yeah?"

"Wait, what?" The guy asks, looking confused when Remus glances back to look at him. It's definitely all just a show. Remus bends down to scoop up the Frogs.

"Next time, be a little more subtle with the whole pick up line thing you have going on." He pats Adonis on the chest, walking past him to exit the room. He lifts his voice as he leaves so he can still hear him, "Maybe they won't be as intelligent as me and dodge bastards like you!"

**siriusly insane has opened a chat with jamie boi !**

12:12 pm

**he. fuckign. rejected me.**  
**[12:12 pm]**

lmao  
[12:12 pm]

now you know what i go through with regulus  
[12:13 pm]

 **i blame you for my damaged heart**  
**[12:13 pm]**

 **you're the one who told me to use the pick up liNe**  
**[12:13 pm]**

yeAh, but i didn't except you to l i s t e n  
[12:14 pm]

that's what makes it so great :)  
[12:14 pm]

 **fuck u potter**  
**[12:14 pm]**

 **fuck**  
**[12:14 pm]**

 **u**  
**[12:15 pm]**

you wish you scallawag you  
[12:16 pm]

do you want ice cream from fortescue's ?  
[12:20 pm]

 **yes pls**  
**[12:22 pm]**

**_[read 12:26 pm]_ **

**stranger has opened a chat with stranger [eggplant] !**

12:17 pm

**hello**  
**[12:17 pm]**

 _why do you sound so formal lmao_  
_[12:17 pm]_

 **my bad, mate**  
**[12:17 pm]**

 **yooooo what up my homie ???**  
**[12:18 pm]**

       

_[12:18 pm]_

**ur knowledge of memes makes me proud to be called your friend**  
**[12:18 pm]**

 _i ?? don't even know your name ?? how are we friends ??_  
_[12:19 pm]_

 **it brings us even closer together**  
**[12:19 pm]**

 _h o w_  
_[12:19 pm]_

 **i don't fuckign know**  
**[12:21 pm]**

 **just accept my love, bitch**  
**[12:22 pm]**

 _hMm_  
_[12:22 pm]_

 _i have to go_  
_[12:27 pm]_

 **see ya**  
**[12:29 pm]**

**_[read 9:03 pm]_ **

10:39 pm

**i am. so drunj LMAO**  
**[10:39 pm]**

 _you good ??_  
_[10:40 pm]_

 _hello ???_  
_[10:49 pm]_

 _oh god please don't tell me you fell down a rabbit hole or something_  
_[10:57 pm]_

 **i'm gOos !!!!**  
**[11:02 pm]**

 **haha**  
**[11:02 pm]**

 **goos is a lot like goose !!! as if i'm a good !!!**  
**[11:03 pm]**

 ****gOOSE**  
**[11:03 pm]**

 _do you need me to call one of your friends or are you okay ?_  
_[11:03 pm]_

 **i'm w everyoen actually !!!**  
**[11:05 pm]**

 **pRongs, wormy, al, franky poo, marls, && dorc !!!!!!!!!!!!**  
**[11:12 pm]**

 _oh_  
_[11:12 pm]_

 _so i take it everything's alright ?_  
_[11:13 pm]_

 **it took me so lonfto type that w:o any typos :(**  
**[11:14 pm]**

 **promgsie has to help me**  
**[11:14 pm]**

 **yE !!**  
**[11:14 pm]**

 _oKay ! good. i'm glad everything's alright._  
_[11:14 pm]_

 _i'm going to go to bed. goodnight_  
_[11:15 pm]_

 **noooo moonyyyy**  
**[11:15 pm]**

 **don't leave me with yhese *wHeispers* narvel stans**  
**[11:19 pm]**

 _you mean ?? marvel stans ??_  
_[11:20 pm]_

 _you don't like marvel ?????_  
_[11:20 pm]_

 **i meaN**  
**[11:23 pm]**

 **non ??**  
**[11:23 pm]**

 _you uncultured f uck_  
_[11:23 pm]_

 _how do you not like marvel ??_  
_[11:23 pm]_

 **i'Ve never seen iY tbhhh**  
**[11:27 pm]**

 **i'm sorry abt the typos, autocorrect is barely oivking them up && i'm so tired & i'm sulEr pissed & i just had like,, five shots of some weird concoction && now i wanna fie so like ?? ye Ah**  
**[11:36 pm]**

 **took so long to type ong**  
**[11:37 pm]**

 _it's okay, i don't mind_  
_[11:37 pm]_

 _just try to get enough water in the morning for what's probably going to be a massive hangover._  
_[11:37 pm]_

 **yes, muM**  
**[11:39 pm]**

 **i take that bwck, bc u r si much better than mum ever was**  
**[11:41 pm]**

 **she was such a bi y ch**  
**[11:42 pm]**

 ****bITCJ**  
**[11:42 pm]**

 **** BUTCH**  
**[11:42 pm]**

 ****BIRCH**  
**[11:43 pm]**

 **:(**  
**[11:43 pm]**

 ****bITCH**  
**[11:43 pm]**

 **ecpsially when she had a few margs in her , yanoO ????**  
**[11:45 pm]**

 **aNf like. my poor brother lmao**  
**[11:46 pm]**

 **can you bEleave the shit she put him through ?? hiTttin him,, calllling him names,,,,,,,,,, it'S surpiring he didn't come live w me & prongsie b4**  
**[11:53 pm]**

 **i don't thinkk it'A a good idea for me to be ranting to ypu while i'm like t h i d but ?? it's all goo d** **bc whY noT**  
**[11:** **57** **pm]**

 **oop. peongs is taking away my phones :(**  
**[11:** **59** **pm]**

 **bybye !!!**  
**[1** **1:59** **pm]**

 _goodnight_  
_[11:_ _59_ _pm]_

 **_[read 11:_ ** **_59_ ** **_pm]_ **

**Author's Note:**

> maybe one day i'll be able to write a fic w/o pulling an all nighter :)


End file.
